To All the People Who've Helped Me

Once again I'd like to write on a prevailing topic in my life. If you've kept up with my past posts you probably know the reason I started blogging at all was a way of recording my journey towards happiness. Or what I define happiness. 
If you don't know, let me recap:
I was diagnosed with reoccurring major depression with generalized anxiety disorder in September of the year 2015. I started Prozac that same month. It was a tough time in my life. I started psychotherapy in November that same year and stopped it in April 2016. I began meeting with a Christian counselor that same month. I started a combination of Prozac and Wellbutrin in March of 2016 and up until now, it has been my lifeline along with counseling and my close ones. 

Let me start off with saying that it's not until you're looking back at something in your life that you really see it. What I mean by that is that it took all this time for me to be able to look back on my depression and to see it what it really was. I feel like I look back and all I see is darkness. And it was- dark. It was absolutely horrible.
But now, over 8 months later, I was able to look back and see that while yes, it was dark and it was painful and overwhelming, not once did I stop fighting. 
And to me, to someone who is extremely hard on themselves, that is the most amazing thing about this whole process.

To my best friend: You have been there through everything. You have given me unconditional love, support, and an open ear to always listen. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't have gone to the doctor. I wouldn't have continued treatment. I wouldn't have woken up and fought everyday. You are the reason why I did all that, and you helped me when I couldn't help myself. I have no way of thanking you. I truly do not. Every time I look back to that time, all I see is you and you have stuck through literally EVERYTHING I have thrown at you. I truly do not deserve a friend like you. Thank you for sticking with me through the tears, through the days when I didn't call you back, when I didn't speak to you for days. You always called me back and you always listened and let me see Cat when I was feeling down. You got angry with me, rightfully so and you were never afraid to call me out on my behavior.
To my doctors/psychologists/nurses: Even though it's your job to deal with mental illness, I truly appreciate you being part of my journey because you made me feel welcomed and cared for. You listened and didn't undermine my symptoms. You told me there was hope and you cared about me and wanted to see me get better. You made me feel comfortable and open with you and I felt like you were truly rooting for me. You heard my complaints and you addressed them the minute they were spoken. You believed in my treatment, even when I didn't. You had hope where I didn't. And I'm thankful for the fact that you continued to push me in my treatment and to take my medicine and to be patient and to give it time. 
To my Grammie: Just like my best friend, you listened and helped me when this whole thing started. You encouraged me to get help and even offered to go with me. I think that was when I finally decided I needed to do something about it. Because I couldn't stand to see you be worried about me. Initially I told myself I'd do it for you, but then once I was there I realized I needed to do this thing for myself. I HAD to get better and be around for you, for Erika. Nothing else mattered except being the same person you had met and loved. I love you Grammie. 
To my counselor: I tell everyone I meet that they should do counseling and then I tell them that you are the best counselor for that job, haha. Seriously though. If I could have the attention of the whole entire world for fifteen seconds, I would tell them to try counseling with you. Because on that first day, when I spoke to you on the phone before our first session, I truly felt heard and understood like never before. Even though you might have never gone through what I was going through, you listened intently and you empathized. And for that, I will never be able to express how grateful I am. You give me the courage to want to be a better person and you make me believe in myself. You always greet me with a smile and have warmth and love and trust. I seriously could not have made it this far without you. I hope I can make the progress you want me to make and I hope I can try to be the best person I can be. 
To anyone I've forgotten: Somehow, somewhere, you helped. Even by doing something small. Even if it was just inviting me over to lunch- that helped, because there were times when I would have chosen to lie in the dark crying. Even if it was for talking on the phone. Or letting me take it easy at work because I was having a bad day. Or for covering for me at work to let me take a sick day and still allow my work to get somewhat complete. For telling it was going to be ok. For sharing your own stories of overcoming, and for sharing your tips and personal struggles. For encouraging me during those hard times. For making me smile when all I felt like doing was crying. 

There are too many of you. You'll always be a part of me, of my journey. Of my life.